Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
