They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
