Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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