Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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