he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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