woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
