well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
