a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
