Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
