So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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