There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
