apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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