New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize