there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
