i just wanna soil my oats bro
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
