Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
