I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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