I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
