I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
