I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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