Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
