well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
