Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
