When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize