Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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