I'm really into asian looking animals
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
