My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
