I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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