dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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