just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
