when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
