so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
