He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
