My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Drake has all the answers
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You are a genius and a whore.
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