You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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