She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
