I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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