She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
