What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
