i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
