Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
high people should be assigned attendants
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
