So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
