i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
