I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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