As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize