You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
