just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
