I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
