hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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