Im at strip club and am horny
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
