I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
