I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
