Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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