Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
