We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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