Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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