Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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