I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
