oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
