I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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