i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
