i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
