you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
