Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You need Xanax blowdarts
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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