But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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