I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
