Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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