The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize