Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
