Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
