My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
