Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
