This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
