its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
