Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
