if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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