you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
