How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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