A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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