I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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