do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
only if we run a train.
done.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
