dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize