I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Say something about gay babies.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
