Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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