sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
