He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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