I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
