her vagine was all disorganized.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
