Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
being pregnant is like rehab
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
