I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
