What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
