I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize