I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
