I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
