:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
