In the future we'll all be gay
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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